The Play
by DoomTaco
Summary: The Skool has decided to put on Romeo and Juliet. Zim is determined to make sure it goes HIS way... **I DO NOT OWN INVADER ZIM** Any flames will be used to toast marshmallows.
1. Chapter 1

"Class. Today we will be listening to Ms. Candy, our horrible drama teacher, about the horrible play that our school board has forced us to put on. I expect you to be on your best behavior or I will send you to the underground classroom."

Dib put down his pencil and looked up. Ms. Bitters pointed to a pretty young woman with long, pink hair, who smiled and waved. _Hmm_, Dib thought, _this could be interesting_.

The rest of the class buzzed with excitement and curiosity. However, all noise subsided when Ms. Candy cleared her throat and spoke in a strong, clear tone.

"Hello, class. Tomorrow we will be holding auditions for Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, a beautiful tragedy about two star-crossed lovers. Anyone interested can report to the drama room where we will begin deciding roles. Thank you." Ms. Candy turned and left the room, her fuchsia hair flying behind her.

"I once wanted to be an actress. But that was before television was invented and left the theatre world doomed to obscurity. I'm sure all of you worthless, talentless insects will do a horrible job." Ms. Bitters mused. "Now get back to work."

Dib considered auditioning for the play. After all, he was sure Zim wouldn't do justice as ANY role in the show. One more thing that he could torment him about… _Yeah_, Dib thought, _I'll give it a try_. Smiling, he turned back to his work.

Zim saw Dib's smug look from across the room. His antennae twitched underneath his wig as he thought of some of the things that Dib could possibly have dreamt up. _Who is this "Shakespeare"? Could he have any secrets that_ _the Dib-human could use to his advantage? _He made a mental note to research this "Shakespeare" when he got home.

Zim entered through the pink MEN's door into the odd building he called home. In relief, Zim threw off his itchy disguise. Oh, how he hated wearing that thing. "GIR!" he screamed.

Gir flew into the living room and planted himself right at Zim's feet. "YES, my Master!" he chimed. The dysfunctional SIR unit was covered head to toe in bacon grease.

"Um….. Gir? What is that disgusting grease you're covered in?" Zim questioned, nervous for the answer.

"Piggy was hungry so I cooked him some bacon!" Gir exclaimed like there was nothing creepy about it.

"Ah. Um… I see." Zim cast a glance at Gir's friend. The miserable swine oinked in disapproval. "Gir! I'll be in the lab reading about the human's putrid entertainment sources. Don't disturb me." He headed towards the little trash can that led down into the depths of his base. "Computer. Take me to the lab."

"'Please' might be a little more kind…" the computer voice grumbled as it lowered Zim into the laboratory.

Zim sat in front of his enormous computer screen and read the script to Romeo and Juliet online. He shuddered at the thought of human "love". The scene where the two main characters were on the balcony revealing their love for one another was disgusting. Really? Is this how the humans express their love to each other? Weak little worms! And the whole part about the two families feuding that kept Romeo and Juliet apart, Zim did not quite understand. Why didn't Romeo just kill the offenders and run off with Juliet? Whoever this Shakespeare was, his characters certainly were not gifted in the sense of logic. However, he thought the many deaths were amusing… Even Zim could have done a better job. Especially Zim…

Zim was determined to make sure this story was told right.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, at auditions, the auditorium buzzed with kids. A group of the popular girls sat in the corner, including Zita, bragging about their so-called talents. Normal pre-audition jitters inhabited the air.

Zim was prepared. He stood in line behind Dib, glaring daggers at his enormous head_. If that hippo-headed hyoo-man messes with my plans this time, he will pay. Oh, how he will pay… _Zim seethed as he waited for Ms. Candy to pass out the audition forms.

Dib had the feeling he was being watched. He turned around to see the green "kid" he hated so much staring death. _Not as scary as Gaz, but still pretty creepy, _he thought.

"Zim, why in the world would you want to audition for the School play? Romeo and Juliet, to make it weirder. Why do you care?"

"Because, Dib-stink. I have noticed that you humans need "improvement" on your storytelling. I am simply doing you pig-smellies a favor." Zim smiled smugly and added, "Maybe you should be paying attention, Dib-wit," as he pointed to Ms. Candy, who was waiting patiently for Dib to receive his form.

Dib turned. "Sorry, Ms. Candy," he said as he submissively took his paper and trudged to an empty seat in the auditorium.

Zim marched in front of Ms. Candy, giddy as the day the Tallest gave him his "mission". Ms. Candy held a wide smile, like most polite teachers would.

"I congratulate you on your being so lucky as to have ZIM in your filthy production of this horrible earth play. I assure you that I am infinitely talented and you would be foolish to choose anyone else as your lead roles. I AM ZIM!" he crowed and stuck his twig-arms in the air.

Ms. Candy had seen overconfident primadonnas before, but none like this. But, to be diplomatic, she smiled and said, "Yes, I'm sure you'll do just fine."

Zim stuck his nose in the air and marched over to the seat behind Dib, giving him a nasty look as he came by.

_Man, _Dib thought_, he's just as bad as those girls who fought over the role of Juliet at lunch today. Well, maybe this failure will put him in his place…_

Ms. Candy stepped onto the stage in her bright pink pumps and began the audition process. First, each child was to introduce themselves and take their seats again. After about eight or nine of these tedious presentations, Zim's turn to introduce himself came. He stood and marched onto the stage. His loud, annoying voice demanded the attention of everyone in the room, and they looked up to watch.

"I AM ZIM, a perfectly normal human worm baby with superior talent and knowledge. I suggest you all respect me as I WILL BE THE RULER OF ALL MANKIND! Yes, yes gaze upon me in awe as I AM ZIM!" And with that, he turned on his heel and sat back in his seat, poking Dib with a gloved claw.

_He says that all too often_, Dib observed.

Dib climbed onstage, and, not surprisingly, everyone booed him. Ms. Candy came to the rescue, and putting her hand on poor Dib's shoulder, reprimanded the children for disrespect. _The first time someone cared_, Dib thought with a smile.

The next step was reading from the script. A very intelligent Dib actually proved to be a good reader, graceful in his inflection, and by the third time he'd read the scene through, he had it memorized. Zim proved to be just obnoxious.

"But Soft! What light through yonder window breaks, it is the East, and Juliet is the sun…" Zim read from the script_. Ugh. Disgusting human love-tactics_, he thought. He was an awkward Romeo, screaming at the audience as he read the words that Shakespeare had intended to be light. Dib was weirded out at the sight of Zim reciting Shakespeare, and he was equally relieved when the scene ended and a terrified Juliet-wannabe that had the misfortune to be reading with Zim scurried offstage. Zim resumed his overconfident self.

After most of the people had left and Dib was packing up to leave, Ms. Candy pulled him aside.

"Dib? Can I have a moment?" She said in a musical voice. Dib was startled, but relaxed as he saw the smile on the teacher's face.

"Uh, yeah. Anything."

"Okay good. Dib, I find you to be an intelligent and talented young man. I see no reason why the other kids treated you with disrespect." She said in an angel's tone.

"Oh… um… well, thanks, but, here's the thing. They all… um"

"They all what?"

"They all think I'm crazy." Dib admitted, fearful of Ms. Candy's reaction.

Ms. Candy laughed. "Don't worry, Dib. In the theatre world, no one is weird. We're dramatically different." She said with a smile.

Dib thought about this for a moment. _Dramatically Different. I like that._

The next day, the cast list was posted on the auditorium doors.

ROMEO: Dib

TREE IN BACKGROUND: Zim

Zim balled his fists in fury as an elated Dib poked him in the back of the head as he went by.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Hey! DoomTaco here, Thanks for all the reviews, I love you all! I'm definitely going to be continuing this story as fast as I can. I'm trying to upload a new chapter each day, but school is kicking my butt and I am in a show myself and those rehearsals go long on some days. Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! **

After Skool, the students who made it into the show congregated in the auditorium. Zim, still seething with rage over the foolish human's failure to realize his "talents", angrily took his seat behind Dib. He reached out and poked Dib in the back of the head again. Dib ignored him.

The role of Juliet was to be played by a pretty young girl named Sue-Ellen, who Dib didn't know. Nevertheless, he was excited to meet her and begin the rehearsals. But, when Ms. Candy called roll, she never acknowledged that she was present.

"Juliet? Who is my Juliet?" Ms. Candy called. When someone stood and walked onstage, Ms. Candy realized that this was not who she was looking for.

"Um, can I help you?" Ms. Candy politely said to the imposter.

Gaz gave Ms. Candy her infamous death stare. Intelligent as she was, even Ms. Candy succumbed to Gaz and her glare. "Alrighty then. We have a new Juliet." And she scribbled a few notes on her pink clipboard.

Gaz sat back down. Relieved, Ms. Candy resumed roll call.

After they had passed out scripts and began to read, Gaz had proved to be a rather boring Juliet. But, anyone who had any sense at all would dare not challenge. Dib read with ease, although he felt awkward about playing Romeo to Gaz's Juliet. _I thought she hated this stuff! _He thought. She was up to something...

Zim was occupied in his frustrations over these earth-worms. _How do they not need to bask in the glory of ZIM! And to be reduced to a pathetic earth-plant?_ As the rest of the cast were focused on the rehearsal task, Zim snuck into the tech booth. All the controls were here. All the ropes that supported heavy beams and curtains were up high above the stage, easily accessible from catwalks that ran around the very high ceiling. He knew the tech crew would be working up here….. If he were granted position up here he could control everything. _Everything…_ Zim felt a mischievous smile creep onto his face. _Yes. That's just what I need…._

After rehearsal, he approached Ms. Candy. She put on her I'm-really-tired-of-you-but-I'm-being-paid-to-be-nice-to-you face and gave him a sticky-sweet, "Yes, Zim?"

"Since you have foolishly decided that you are not needing the great talents of ZIM! and I have nothing to do but portray a pathetic plant-creature, I am offering my services as a lowly tech-monkey. Accept and you will have nothing to fear. BE HONORED!" he crowed.

As a teacher, Ms. Candy knew there were some battles involving overconfidence that she could not win. _Well, at least it will keep him quiet_, she hoped for the best as she gave him consent.

Zim sat in his lab, researching the logistics of tech theatre. He quickly learned which ropes dropped what at what speed and time, which buttons and switches would turn off lights and sounds vital to the show's run, and which pulleys would open trapdoors that any unsuspecting actor could fall into if they're not careful. He also knew that human responsibilities were often given by trust. The more responsibilities, the more control. He pulled an all-nighter, and soon had his scheme all mapped out. All he needed now was the right time.

"Gir!" he screamed, his face gleaming with Irken pride.

"YES, my MASTER!" Gir stood at attention, his eyes and chest glowing crimson.

"I have a secret mission for you." He leaned in towards Gir, where he whispered his plan and Gir's crucial role.

"Hear that, PIGGY? I got a mission!" Gir squealed as he lifted his friend above his head and ran out of the lab, giggling like a maniac.

Zim knew Gir hadn't understood a word he said, but that could be dealt with later. He had work to do.

**A/N I know this was not as good as the last chapter, but it serves as the bridge to more epic scenes yet to come. So please stick with me! Love you all, DoomTaco**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks again to all who reviewed! I already have the rest of the story mapped out in my brain and I'm sooooo excited to finally upload the last couple chapters, they are going to be epic. But first, I have to finish writing them! Love you all, DoomTaco**

Dib sat alone at the lunch table, picking at his "peas" . He was still weirded out over playing Romeo to Gaz's Juliet. Really weirded out. He almost dreaded rehearsal, it was so awkward. Not to mention scary. He seriously hoped she had an evil motive behind it.

Dib spotted Zim from the opposite end of the cafeteria. He was grinning to himself, perhaps at the thought of vengence? Well, Dib had pissed Zim off, so naturally, he should be wary. But Gaz? Why would she even consider wanting the lead, especially the part of Juliet? Dib shook the thoughts from his mind. All this wondering and anticipation was going to give him a headache.

Zim was prepared to launch part two of his evil plan. He had seen other children be excused to the nurses office due to pitiful human ailments and injuries. Being sick or hurt was normal for a human, right? Zim stifled an evil laugh as he stood up and walked towards the nearest teacher. He placed a fake pigeon on the top of his head and cooed as he walked. _Head pigeons_, he thought with a smile, _worked last time_. He tapped the shoulder of a teacher who was distracted with breaking up a catfight, and pointed to the pigeon. She took one look at Zim and nodded.

Zim grinned and headed towards the nurse's office. The bored nurse's assistant looked up from her magazine at the little green kid who had entered the room.

"Head pigeons." Zim assured her. "I-uh… I need to lie down."

"Whatever." The assistant droned as she turned back to the magazine.

Zim headed towards the little room the nurse kept for kids who need a nap, but when he was sure the coast was clear, he turned on his heel towards the enormous file cabinet that kept the medical records of everyone in the school. He opened up the drawer labeled "M" and shuffled through the forms for "Membrane, Gaz" and "Membrane, Dib". He cackled when he found just what he was looking for.

Dib, back in the cafeteria, had seen Zim leave with a stuffed bird on his head. "Here we go." He said to himself aloud. He watched Zim's every move as the little green kid marched down the hallway towards the nurse's office. He had to act fast. Dib stood, nonchalantly waltzed towards the door, and when he was certain no one had noticed, booked it out of there. He bolted down the hall as fast as his legs could carry him. But his heart caught in his throat when he caught sight of the Irken invader as he was leaving the health office, carrying two slips of paper.

"ZIM!" Dib shouted. Said alien turned, startled, and took off as fast as he could, dropping one of the papers in the process. Out of breath, Dib didn't have the energy to run after him. Instead, he picked up the dropped file.

"Medical records?" Dib wondered as he searched the paper for any information. Of course that's what Zim would be doing. He opened the file, and gasped in shock when he read the name it belonged to. "Membrane, Dib" the file read. His medical records. Dib sighed and stuffed them into his jacket pocket. What else did Zim know?

Gaz sat alone at her table, all attention on level 38 of her GameSlave. She wouldn't even stop to scare other children away from her table, not that she needed to. But, one thing caught her eye. Actually, two things. She had seen that ugly green kid and her brother run out of the cafeteria. She would normally have disregarded this as the usual stupidity that went on between them, but this time, she felt that she shouldn't just ignore it this time. They were up to something…. Seems like everyone is.

Gaz couldn't wait for the show to end. She hated the script, the story, the cast, the director, everything. At least it was good for one thing, she thought. Her whole reason for the disappearance of the original Juliet was all due to the fact that Sue-Ellen was a person she hated with all her heart. Sue-Ellen seemed to be perfect. Naturally, she would get to be the lead of the school play, and it didn't help that Sue-Ellen had a teeny-tiny crush on Dib. _Makes her even worse, _Gaz fumed.

Zim ditched the rest of the school day and giddily headed to his lab, the only place he could read the files in private. He was excited for the information he might find on his two soon-to-be victims. He reached into his PAK, pulled out the files he had stolen, and set them on the table. Wait a minute. What? He had taken two files. Why was there only ONE on the table? _Dib._

At least he had information on the Dib-Sister. He could use that to his advantage… Angrily, Zim opened up the folder and began to read. As he searched Gaz's medical records, he realized that this info was all he needed.

"GIR!" He screamed.

The dysfunctional SIR unit poked his head in. "Yeeeeeeessssssss?" he said in a slurred voice. Apparently, he had gone a little nuts with one of the elecrical outlets.

"Do you still remember how to make those special waffles?"

**A/N MWAHAHAHAHA! Man, I can't wait to write where the story goes from here. Seriously, guys, I'm excited. Please review, as it makes the story even better! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Hey guys, sorry for the delay. My computer was being impertinent and my brain has been scattered lately. Really sorry. But, here it is! And, as always, I very much appreciate reviews. **

Sue-Ellen was not sticky-sweet and perfect, contrary to Gaz's belief. She was knieving and clever, and always managed to get whatever she wanted. She was one to size up a situation and innocently sit back and let others do her dirty work. Anyone who messed with her received payback.

And Gaz had messed with her. Actually, more than messed with. Sue-Ellen had been tied up, kicked into a closet, and had her well-deserved role stolen from her. She was pissed.

Sue-Ellen sat back in the auditorium watching the rehearsal, watching her horrible classmate's every move. All Gaz ever did was sit and play that stupid video game of hers. Oh, how she hated her. How could she be related to Dib? Sue-Ellen liked Dib. She thought he was different from the other stupid kids in the school. She felt bad for him when he sat alone at the lunch table, but that's really all Sue-Ellen ever saw of him. She hadn't seen his angry fits regarding Zim's true nature, and she had never seen his obsession over paranormal studies. She just saw his quiet, lonely ways and his acting ability. And, she had noticed how mean Gaz was to him. So, her act of vengeance might possibly make Dib notice her, too…

Zim climbed the stairs to the tech booth, after his rather undignified scene as a tree. He wasn't as angry at his small role anymore, and rather glad that it gave him more time on his hands. He wasn't watching where he was going, so his foot caught on something and he tripped. "Aughh!" he yelped as he fell, right on top of the Dib-sister. The wide-eyed look on her face was demonic. "Ick!" She shrieked, and quickly pushed a mortified Zim off of her lap. He jumped up and brushed off his uniform.

"Hey! Watch it!" Gaz screamed. "You make me sick!"

"Me? You were the one who… who…" Zim struggled for a solid argument. "… Well if your pathetic worm-body wasn't sitting in my way, maybe I would've… would've… Your filthy earth-smell makes _me _sick!" He seethed with anger. Gaz stared death into Zim's eyes. _Man, she was scary._

He shook his head angrily and trudged up the rest of the steps into the tech booth. Closing the door behind him, he was startled at the sight of a human he had never seen before. She smiled at him mockingly.

"Who are you?" Zim snapped, "You dare enter my realm? This is MY tech booth!"

"Keep your pants on, kid." She said, relaxed.

Zim looked down. His pants were clearly on. Confused, he stared back at her. "Who are you?"

She smiled. "I noticed that you are not fond of Gaz. Am I right?"

"The Dib-Sister? She's filthy. Almost as filthy as-"

"I propose an alliance. We have a common enemy. Isn't that right, Zim?"

"And why should I help you, pathetic earthling?"

"Because." Sue-Ellen smiled cunningly.

* * *

><p>The day before Opening Night was hectic. Everyone was nervous, irritable, and exhausted, especially Ms. Candy. She was disappointed because she felt like her show was an overall failure. She was stressed, sleep deprived and in great need of a snack. She sighed as she sat in the front row and called scene after scene, note after note, line after line. It wasn't fair. All her hard work to motivate the cast, work with each kid, every effort wasted. Not fair not fair not fair.<p>

Dib was just as frustrated as the director. All the affectionate scenes had been cut out, to everyone's relief, and the show sucked. He knew he could do better. He knew Gaz could do better, but refused. All she did was sit there and recite lines with no emotion.

But Zim was actually pretty good at running tech. He made every cue, knew how to run every command, and even created a few cool sound bits and light displays. The special effects that Zim had created for the show were helped along by Irken techniques, no wonder. The laser effects were just as impressive as the day the Tallest announced Operation Impending Doom 2. Dib had to give Zim some credit for at least that.

But otherwise, he could not wait until this was all over with.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Parts of the original Shakespeare play is scattered throughout the rest of the story. I got them off of **

Opening Night: 5 minutes until the start of the show.

Dib sat in his dressing room, staring at himself in the mirror. He had an awfully ridiculous medieval outfit, complete with leggings and a baggy white shirt. Eew. _It's opening night, and Zim hasn't even done anything yet. There's definitely a chance that he'll be up to something tonight._ He decided that the only thing he could do was be prepared for anything. He put his cap on and trudged into the hallway, just as an assistant ran through shouting commands to others. Gaz sat in the hallway, fully engrossed in her GameSlave. She wore a long medieval-style dress and one of those ridiculous cone-hats. It took much coaxing to get it on her, but Gaz was in a better mood today and only bit the costume designer twice.

"Gaz, I hope you don't have any plans to screw anything up tonight. Okay? This is serious. Dad is watching from his lab tonight." Dib avoided eye contact with his terrifying sibling.

This was a serious night indeed. Professor Membrane was watching their performance tonight. Not in person, but as a floating screen-thing, as usual. He knew that insane people did very well in the arts, and had wanted to see how Dib would fare.

"Shouldn't I be telling _you _that?" Gaz mumbled sarcastically. Dib didn't respond. He would try his best to stop Zim from doing anything stupid, but that's about all he could do.

"PLACES!" An assistant called. Dib sighed. _Here goes another fail,_ he thought.

"Two households, both alike in dignity,  
>In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,<br>From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,  
>Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.<br>From forth the fatal loins of these two foes  
>A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;<br>Whole misadventured piteous overthrows  
>Do with their death bury their parents' strife.<br>The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,  
>And the continuance of their parents' rage,<br>Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,  
>Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;<br>The which if you with patient ears attend,  
>What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend." Chanted the chorus. The opening of the show.<p>

Dib held his breath and waited for his entrance.

Meanwhile, back in the chorus dressing room, Zim felt it was the perfect time to cheer up the cast with a little treat. He marched into the dressing room as everyone filed in after the first scene, with Gir on his heels. Gir held a steaming hot plate of his special waffles. They were pretty freaking good, especially for a robot's talents.

Zim ordered Gir to set the waffles down on a table in the middle of the room. "Hey! Zim's dog brought waffles!" some kid screamed and the waffle carnage began.

"Fellow pig-smellies, I assure you there are enough waffles to go around." Zim tried to keep the fighting to a minimum. He couldn't have them destroying each other yet. It would ruin the fun for later.

"Mmmmm! Waffles ROCK!" Some irritating kid said. The other kids gave nods of approval. Even Gaz enjoyed a bite as she waited for her scene. Zim cackled to himself in triumph.

"But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?  
>It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.<br>Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,  
>Who is already sick and pale with grief,<br>That thou her maid art far more fair than she:  
>Be not her maid, since she is envious;<br>Her vestal livery is but sick and green  
>And none but fools do wear it; cast it off…"<br>He knew this speech so well he could recite it in his sleep.  
>"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!<br>O, that I were a glove upon that hand,  
>That I might touch that cheek!"<p>

Dib felt like vomiting. He could see his father's screen in the audience. He had an odd look on his face. _Oh no…._ he thought as Gaz entered the scene.

She was all red and puffy. She wheezed as she recited her emotionless lines. _What's wrong with her?__ It's almost like…. Like… like an allergic reaction! This has Zim written all over it._

They suffered through the rest of the scene together. It was awkward to begin with, and even worse with the thought that Gaz was sick and WAY WORSE when you throw in the fact that their father was watching. Weird, weird, weird.

Finally, the "balcony scene" ended. Offstage, Dib saw Gaz head for a place to puke. Dib ran off to find Zim.


End file.
